Feel God's Pleasure

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 

If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever.  Amen.               1 Peter 4:10

 

Most of you probably have no clue who this is. If you saw his name, maybe only some of you would know his story.

This is Eric Liddell.  Part of Eric's life is the subject of the 1981 movie, Chariots of Fire.  He had an amazing life of faith, conviction and endurance. He felt God's pleasure because he was obedient and he embraced how He was created and used it to bring Glory to God.

Eric was born in China to Scottish missionaries.   He was a faithful Christian and a gifted athlete.  When he qualified to run in the 1924 Olympics, he found out his best races, the 100 and two relays, were scheduled on a Sunday.  His conviction to only rest and worship on the Lord's Day led him to withdraw from those events.  He was forced to switch to the 400 and began to prepare for that race instead.  Since this wasn't his normal event, many did not expect him to win. He was up against two runners that held previous records and he was assigned to the last lane.
Before he took to the track, an American competitor handed him a note with this scripture:

"Those who honor me I will honor"   1 Samuel 2:30

Fully abandoned and running to give it all to God, he won the Olympic gold medal that day, breaking both the Olympic and world records.   

Eric later told the press his secret for success in the 400:

"The secret of my success over the 400 meters is that I run the first 200 meters as fast as I can. Then, for the second 200 meters, with God's help, I run faster."

Later his wife was quoted as saying:

‘Eric always said that the great thing for him was that when he stood by his principles and refused to run in the 100 metres, he found that the 400 metres was really his race. He said he would never have known that otherwise. He would never have dreamed of trying the 400 at the Olympics.’

He returned to Scotland a hero.  But, his story does not end there.

Liddell followed God's lead, returned to China and served there the rest of his life.  He married a fellow missionary and had a family.  Japan's WWII invasion and hostility towards Christians, made life for his young family very unsafe.  He sent them to his wife's parents in Canada when she was pregnant with their third child....they never returned.  Soon after, he was interned by the Japanese, and spent the last two years of his life in prison camp, dying there of a brain tumor in 1948, at the young age of 43.   It was reported by fellow missionaries that his last words were,:

"It's complete surrender." 

In 2008, the Chinese government released information that Liddell refused early release from this prison camp and, in a prisoner exchange, had them release a pregnant woman instead.  Until the end, he lived a life in complete surrender to God and His will above all else.

 

The life of Eric Liddell encourages us to do several things:

1.  Know God.  Study Him by studying His word.  Don't just go on what others are teaching you, get into the word for yourself and let the Holy Spirit mold you as you read His words.

2.  Know yourself.  Who did God create you to be? Look at how you are wired.  What are your special talents and gifts?  What brings you the most pleasure deep inside your soul?  Is there something that others have recognized in you that is a special way that God uses you to bless them?

3.  Obey God.  Listen to His word and to His Spirit as He guides and directs your path.

4.  Trust God.  Commitment and obedience will sometimes fly in the face of the world and of those around you.  Don't let them scare you....just do it!

5.  Serve God.  Don't be afraid to go!  Do what he is leading you to do, even if it is not what is popular or what others understand.  If it is in line with the Word of God and it is where God is pulling your heart, then go!  Step out and do it.  Find others that are going in the same direction and get with them!

Whatever you do, don't just live your life in a boring, dead trap.  Let God infuse life into you and live your life in abundance.  Do big things for Him and do not be afraid.  For me, there are certain things that really rev me up.  I can feel God moving and working through me.  Find what that is for you and do it.  Maybe that's where He will use you to scatter the most seeds.

What are you going to do this year for the Kingdom of God?  What will be your legacy?

It might not bring you fame or recognition.  In fact, if it weren't for the fact that Eric Liddell was an Olympic runner, it's possible none of us would know his name or his story.  There are people serving all over your church, town and this world, whose names we will never know.  But they choose to obey and are great heroes of faith, conviction and endurance.  What they do brings God glory and draws people to Him.  When they do this, they feel God's pleasure.

Step out in faith and run where God is telling you to run.  There you will also feel God's pleasure....

 

 

Wooed into His Presence

Woo....an Old English word for actively pursuing, seeking to gain or bring about....I like that word.

That it is what God does for us.
 

God woos us into His presence.

We know God's grace initially calls and leads us to repentance and faith.  That calling grace forever reestablishes the broken fellowship created by sin.  We were enemies of God and He came to us, bought us and brought us back to Him through the perfect sacrifice of His Son.  We know it is by grace we have been saved.

If the purpose of grace is ultimately to bring us back into right relationship with God, then God's daily grace keeps us in fellowship with Him.  We work and try to be good to earn His favor.  In reality, Christians, already have His favor, not because we are good, but because He is good and full of grace. Then, we feel if we haven't been good enough, we have lost favor with God.  Apart from Christ, nothing you do can earn it or lose it....that's why it is grace.

Nothing we do can separate us from Christ's love; there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus.  That is contrary to human nature--we feel separated and condemned and pull away from the fellowship that used to bring us such peace. 

In fact, God's grace and fellowship are always there.  We cover it and refuse it, because of our own sinful minds and attitudes. 

Think how easy it is to praise God when all is right with our little world and there is nothing to hide.  We yearn to learn and grow.  We eat up sermons and scripture and blare worship music.  We get out of ourselves and look up to God. We welcome fellowship.

When trials come, sometimes it's hard to praise.  It's hard to approach the Throne of Grace and harder still to stay there.  Our selfish nature causes us to turn inward and retreat.  We stare at our troubles and horde sad thoughts, choosing to collect them instead of tossing them at the throne of the One who can actually take them from us.

Sometimes, we turn inward, because our own sin has left us ashamed and feeling unworthy.  Sometimes, we turn inward, because we are angry that God permitted hurt to come into our lives.  We focus on betrayal, pain, death, lies and memories of vile sin from our past instead of giving them to God.

If we listen carefully and are sensitive and obedient, we can hear the still quiet voice of God wooing our hearts and pulling us back to him.  He will do it over and over.  We can choose to harden our hearts and stick our fingers in our ears yelling, "I don't want to", like a stubborn child.  Or, we can chose to trust the wooing and see it as God's grace calling us to enter into His sweet fellowship again.

No matter if you are happy and whole, or bitter and demolished, the safest place to be is in fellowship with God. 

One of my favorite books is the 1948 classic, The Pursuit of God, by AW Tozer.  In my favorite chapter, Removing the Veil, Tozer reminds us the temple veil was torn in two and as believers in Jesus Christ, we have full access to God.  The veil no longer restricts our access, God is always available.  Tozer then questions why it often feels as though the thick, heavy veil is back and God is far away and unreachable.  He says:

 

"The whole work of God in redemption is to undo the tragic effects of that foul revolt (Adam's sin), and to bring us back into right and eternal relationship with Himself....God wills that we should push on into His presence and live our whole life there. This is to be known to us in conscious experience.  It is more than a doctrine to be held; it is a life to be enjoyed every moment of every day"

The work is complete. Christ suffered and died to conquer death and allow us full access to the very Throne of God!  Think about the weight of that idea.  Christ did it, "It is Finished".  God does not hinder us from Himself.

Tozer says:

With the veil removed by the rending of Jesus' flesh, with nothing on God's side to prevent us from entering,  why do we tarry?  Why do we consent to abide all our days just outside the Holy of Holies and never enter at all to look upon God?  We hear the Bridegroom....we sense that the call is for us, but, still we fail to draw near, and the years pass and we grow old and tired in the outer courts of the tabernacle.

Listen to what he is saying.  As Christians, we hear God calling....wooing us....and we just sit there, content to live outside His presence.  Content to stay on the fringe and content to stay out of the fullness of fellowship with Him.  That's like purchasing a new home and having a family and then spending every day on the porch, never to enter that warm, loving place.  We would never choose to do that....but, we do it daily with God. 

By letting your sins, failures and pain keep you on the fringe of God's presence, you are missing out on the restoration, healing, comfort and wisdom that you can find there. Tozer says that we weave a new veil over our hearts and block the fellowship.  We do it.  He says:

It's not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify.  We have but to look into our own hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched and repaired it may be, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effective block to our spiritual progress. ...to be specific, the self-sins are self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love and a host of others like them.

 

Self is the opaque veil that hides the face of God from us....

 

We must invite the cross to do it's deadly work within us.  We must bring our self-sins to the cross for judgment.  We must prepare ourselves for an ordeal of suffering in some measure like that that through which our Savior passed when He suffered under Pontius Pilate."  

If we do not feel His presence, He is not the one that left.   Our sinful flesh is content to keep trusting itself.  We love to look at our messes and focus on our pain.  We cannot get rid of this on our own.  Just as the temple curtain was torn by God, the veils we sew ourselves must also be torn by God.

Even if you do not feel like it, go to Him.  Tell him you don't feel like coming.  Be honest.  Tell Him you are bored, you think you are doing fine on your own, you are mad at Him or someone else, you are ashamed of what you have done....Whatever it is that is keeping you from full fellowship with Him.  Then ask Him to shatter it and cast it away.

Take your stuff to His Throne and actually give it to Him.  Don't keep clenching it and staring at it.....let it go and look at Him.  What good does it do you to approach the Throne of Grace and just keep looking at your self and your messed up stuff?

 

His grace wooed you at first, and it is wooing you now.  Do not turn a hard heart.  Approach the Throne with confidence, because He cares for you.  Get up and go in....He has already made the way for you and He is already there waiting. 

There is no place on earth where you would rather be, than in full fellowship with God.  He longs for you to be there with Him! If you find yourself separated from God, YOU are the only reason you aren't there....

Let His grace woo you into His presence.

Still, Praise God

Some of my favorite praise times have been through tears.  Broken times bring tears....broken times bring healing. 

Today a friend posted a quote from Mother Teresa:

"If I belong to Jesus, He must have the right to use me without consulting me."

I want everything to go as I have planned it.  Perfect house, perfect children, perfect obedience, perfect marriage, perfect ministry, perfect job, perfect health, perfect heart......



Some days I think, "If only...."

The problem is that my desire for perfection would not allow God to work through the tests and trials.  This imperfect life is just what God uses to perfect my faith....

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  James 1:2-4

Through painful experiences, I have learned new ways to rely on God and trust God.  Through losing, I have gained.  Through pain, I have been comforted.  Through shame, I have been lifted up.  Through lonely, I have felt God's embrace. 

I remember Beth Moore saying in one of her Bible studies, years ago, that she had gotten to the point where she was thankful for the things that God had allowed in her life, because it was through those trials that she was able to learn new ways to understand and trust God. 

I think of my friend whose husband died, the other friend who's husband left her, and the teen who lost her mom.  They get Psalm 68:5-6                  

"A Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely..."

When we see wicked prosper in business and we work with integrity.....we rest in Psalm 37:7-11

"rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.  Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evil doing.  For evil doers will be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.  Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more;  And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there.  But the humble will inherit the land and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity." 

When I mourn a sin or broken choice, I hear myself and my loved one in David's prayers in Psalm 51...

"Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;  According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin...Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.  Make me hear joy and gladness, let the bones which you have broken rejoice.  Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquities.  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast sprit within me...The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

Even now, as I am writing this, the school just called with the recorded message that all schools are currently in lock down because of an armed prison escapee.  I turn on the news and see the school that our daughter is in now, I get a text from her asking to come home.  I choose to rest in God's sovereignty, and know that he is in charge.  I chose to believe Psalm 91:1-4, 11

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!"  For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge;  His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark....For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways."

Our storms are all different.  Some are the result of illness, death, personal moral failure and even from the consequences of the sin's of others.  Some storms are temporary and others seem to beat us down for years.  It doesn't matter what it is, how bad it is, or how far away you feel from God.  God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  His love covers even that.  His grace and mercy even reach that far.  Just turn and trust.  Be still, and know that He is God.  Praise Him in the storm and let him teach you His lovingkindness and goodness in the middle of your storm.

Today, I choose to trust God.  I choose to still, praise God...

The bumps are what you climb on. - Warren Wiersbe

Let God have your life; He can do more with it than you can. D.L. Moody

I Did It

I did it!  I said I wouldn't do it, I thought a lot about not doing it, I really didn't want to do it, but I still did it.....

I took these pounds into my 40's.

I have an issue with my weight.  My story may not be the same as yours.  For many of you, weight has always been your battle and it is hard to fight the genetics that you have received.  If this is you...please do not read this as me being insensitive toward you.  Please, please, please do not do that.  If you would see me, you may not think I am overweight....well, that's not true.  I am sure that if you know me, or have known me, you probably think that....but I have made a deliberate decision not to fret over that.  I make a point to suppress the desire to worry about what you might say when I turn away.    I have tried not to let my daughters know that me gaining 20 pounds really does bother me.  I really don't want it to be about how I look or how much I weigh.   Of course, I care about that....but it does not define me.  It doesn't define you, either.

I fool myself by thinking that if I buy cute tops that cover my butt, somehow, my weight won't be noticed.  I've also finally come to the realization that the problem is not the clothes...it's me.  In the past 10 years, I have had  two years of Lexipro to get me out of the fog of depression that was a result of my overactive, "say yes to everything" crazy period....(you will eventually crash, people!) But, that is another story for another day.  I did go through five steroid injections over a six month period for chronic neck pain...but, that is also another story for another day. Those things alone will put on extra pounds that are hard to get off.  But those things ultimately are not the reason I took these pounds into my 40's. 



FYI....maxi dresses are pretty forgiving.

It's not genetics...My mom is in her 60's and wears size zero pants.  I have been tempted to just grab her pants and see if I could even get them up past my thighs!  It's not that I work out all the time and just can't seem to get the weight off....ask my couch or the ladies from The View.  It's not even that I have been eating right, but my metabolism has just slowed so much.....ask the Dr. Pepper dispenser at the Big Gulp counter at 7-11.  I took these pounds into my 40's because I did not treat my body as the 'temple of the living God' and I had little self control.  I refused to deny myself  anything that I wanted and I found comfort in foods and Big Gulps when I was stressed or just needed a little treat.  When you get to the root of the problem, disobedience is why I took these pounds into my 40's.



seriously...this stuff's good!

My resolution this year is to be broken. For me, another stronghold is food. I don't know if you have ever tried fasting, but I have many times.  It is hard for me to fast even for one day!  Partly, because I am selfish and don't want to deny myself a treat and partly because my cells have been so conditioned to get fuel from junk, that without it, it's like every cell in my body is convulsing by the end of the day.  I started this year with a couple of days of fasting, trying to be obedient those days to replace my every thought about food with only thoughts about God.  I was amazed how much I thought about food.  It was also very hard to not go around "looking gloomy....with a distorted face" (see Luke 6:16), because it really is that hard for me.

I have committed to be more deliberate with what and when I eat.  I'm not really interested in freaking out about a diet and exercise program.  I just want to be obedient when it comes to food and health. The food I eat or don't eat, will not commend me before God (1 Cor. 8:8)....it is not the food, it is the heart.   Ideally, at the end of the year, I will be healthier and it will be noticeable.  But, since the issue with my weight is a matter of the heart, hopefully my heart will be what changes the most.

                         
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31        

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God?  You are not your own,  for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.  
1 Corinthians 6:19-20  
                 
For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 
Luke 12:23   
    
But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 
1 Corinthians 9:27      
    
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.                                                Romans 12:1-2

            

  

The Race



The Race

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...  Hebrews 12:1-2

Track practice started this week for one of our daughters.  In preparation for the season, they run, eat right, buy the perfect running shoes, and workout in the weight room. The track suit for high school is a tank and shorts.....Imagine how ridiculous it would be if at the first meet of the season, they got out on the track, down in the blocks, wearing Uggs, jeans, a winter parka and a mountain climbing backpack. I wouldn't expect a fast run and there would be stumbles along the way, I'm sure.

In essence, Christians do the same kind of things everyday in our race of faith.  We have stuff weighing us down, tripping us up, and making us ineffective and frustrated.  We are running the race weighed down and we are fighting the fight entangled.  The writer of Hebrews tells us to "lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us".

The race and cloud of witnesses....

The Christian life has a goal, to look more and act more like Christ.  At the start of this new year, how would you answer the question, "do I look more like Christ today, then I did this time last year?" Like a race, where you run and actually go from one place to another, your faith should be moving you along.  This race can be run successfully, and there is a "great cloud of witnesses" that can attest to it. It is not suggested that they are like spectators in a stadium watching us, but more as though they are people that we can look to as having successfully finished the faith race...they are the heroes of the faith, spoken of in Hebrews Ch. 11.  They are not witnessing us in the race, but are bearing witness that God can see us through the race. The word for witness here is the same word for martyr, and race is agon (where we get our word agony).  The race isn't easy.  It is set before us to run.  It shouldn't be comfortable, it should call for sacrifices and putting ourselves aside.    I have people in my life that I consider to be part of that cloud of witnesses and I hope that I can be that for others.  The writer of Hebrews was saying, look at all of the Old Testament saints and their stories and endurance in the faith race....they are your inspiration....it can be done!

Lay aside every encumbrance....

When we have encumbrances (literally weight, mass, burdens), they slow us down.  It is not implied that these weights are sinful things, the sinful things are later said to entangle.  Sometimes the weights are things that are not inherently bad or evil, just things that for us, are slowing us down.  It's like when Jesus commended Mary for choosing the "better part".  Sometimes it's not a choice of what's good or bad, but of what is the better part.  My weights may not be the same as yours.

I heard a story on the radio years ago that illustrates this perfectly:




"Why in the world....what's wrong with checkers?"

Elisha Carter loved to play checkers. This was before video games or even video tapes, 
so checkers was high on the list of fun things. In the evenings, Elisha and his brothers would eat, then sit down to a rousing tournament of checkers. One morning Elisha came to the breakfast table and informed his brothers that he could not play checkers anymore.  They said, “Why in the world…what’s wrong with checkers?”  

He replied, “You know, every night as I go to bed, I spend that time focusing my whole mind and heart on Christ.  I talk to Him.  I go through the things of the day and I think about the next day.  It’s a very special time with Him.  And I vowed years ago that I would never let anything come between me and my relationship with Jesus Christ.  And last night when I went to bed all I could think about was the moves I could have made on a checkerboard.”*

And Elisha Carter never played checkers again.

(Story told by Bill Elliff, Elisha’s great grandson. Pastor Elliff says his great grandfather passed down a great legacy of faith that still resonates in the family today)

the sin which so easily entangles us...

Here's another scenario.... A close quarters combat battle where your weapon is the sword you have tucked into your clothing.  It is imperative that you are able to pull it out quickly.  Imagine, someone coming at you and you having to say 'hold up a sec, my swords all wrapped up in my cloak, I can't get it out".  Too late, you're attacked....having the weapon, but it being rendered useless because you couldn't use it correctly. 

The sin in our lives trips us up.  Ultimately, the sin that entangles us is unbelief and lack of faith.  In what area of your life are you refusing to believe God ?  Why won't you give up yourself and allow God to work and flow through you?  What are you afraid of if you totally submit and give Him authority in your life? Those are the things that entangle us and cause us to be ineffective.  To fight the fight and finish the race we must trust that He who has called us to run it is faithful. 

It is my prayer that we will seek to be consecrated and to be faithful in this race.  I pray that God will give us wisdom to see what is weighing us down and what is rendering us useless.  Then when He shows us, that we will be obedient to do something about it. 

"Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." 
James 4:17

Fixing our eyes on Jesus...

While the cloud of witnesses, heroes and martyrs of the faith, can inspire us and show us that the race can be won, only One can equip us to actually do it.  By setting our eyes on Christ, not the track, not the circumstances surrounding the race, not the other runners, we can find the strength to endure.  Especially when the race seems like agony!  The secret to running the race, looking more like Christ this time next year, throwing off the heavy weights and tossing fear and unbelief aside, is Jesus.  Let Him give you strength for the day, or hour, or minute.....  Our own strength fails, our best earthy advisors and mentors fail, but, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me".....

Mommy Money Laundering

My resolution this year is to be broken.  There are several strongholds that I have in my life that I believe God is wanting to break.  The spending of money is one of those things....

Money laundering is defined as the legitimization of illegally obtained money to hide it's true nature or source.  No surprise that mob guys, shady finance guys or terrorist groups do this.  But God convicted me this week that in essence, I do it, too.

Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man's dwelling, but a foolish man devours it- Prov. 21:20

I know our household budget and I know that it disrespects my husband and our home to spend above what is right or to, as we call it, "nickel & dime", it on junk I do not need.  Instead of choosing not to spend, I have found creative ways to hide the spending....mommy money laundering, I guess you
could call it. 

Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy- Prov. 12:20

You won't ever find me at the expensive stores, because no way could we spend that much money on 'that', whatever 'that' happens to be.  Instead, I love bargains and just the thrill of buying something.  I am also the one that may need a class on 'buyer's remorse', because that grips me every time!  My husband is great at waiting and spending money on something that is really nice quality.  I, on the other hand, I think I just spend because it is fun to get new stuff.  I'm the one that grabs the one last thing that jumped out at me from the shelves at the checkout stand.

The other day, I decided to run over to the mall to find a new top or two.  I found a couple that I really loved, grabbed them and bought them.  Uncharacteristic of me, but I bought two shirts that were almost $90 each.....I'm used to TJ MAXX prices, so this was a splurge. I paid for them with a credit card, put them in my car, and drove home.  I figured that if I paid with the credit card, Tim wouldn't know right away and by the time he saw the charges, he would have seen me in the cute shirts and thought I was so precious it justified the spend.  (keep in mind, we don't ever charge on a credit card). 



obviously not me....but I think that's one of  the shirts.  You know what, in  searching for this pic, I found it $20 cheaper online!  haha....nevermind...it's really was never about the cost of the shirt...

I thought about those shirts for two days, and then realized that it was wrong for me to have charged them.  Still really not wanting Tim to know, but REALLY wanting the shirts, I drove back to the store, and just had them change the method of payment.  This time I had cash from raiding my kids savings from the safe box in our house.  After all, no one would notice that money missing.  My plan was to take out a few little ATM withdraws over the next month and replace my kids cash, without anyone ever realizing  anything was gone.  God was not letting me out of this one, and conviction led me to go back to the store (for the 3rd time) and return the shirts, getting the cash back and returning it to my kids savings envelope.  I'm thinking that I probably could have never said anything.  Tim would have noticed the charge, but there would have been a credit back the next day.  Could have just let that error in judgment go....but,  I decided to seize the opportunity to teach my family the lesson that I had learned.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice- Prov. 12:15

I called them into the kitchen and explained what I had done. Standing at the kitchen counter, with tears and humility, strong momma admitted a sin and asked their dad for forgiveness in front of them.  He hugged me and granted it.  We modeled brokenness and mercy that day.    Not that anything is wrong with shopping or buying things.  But, what I had done is secretively shuffled money around so that I could get what I wanted.  I had done a little creative mommy money laundering.  What I had really done is deceit, dishonesty, disrespect, and disobedience.

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out- Prov. 10:9

I've done it before and you probably have, too.  Put a little something in for you when you went to get a present for someone, or when grocery shopping.  Seriously, who is going to know that I bought that $20 pumpkin candle or the cute jacket at Target when I also bought $150 worth of stuff including soap, toilet paper and orange juice. If it all goes into the big blob, no one will ever notice it.  Frivolous spending is much less evident when it is hidden with legitimate spending.   The problem with me, is that frivolous spending really isn't about spending at all.  It's about getting what I want, regardless of what I have been asked to do.  Over enough years, all of that 'nickel and diming' adds into a big chunk that I know could have been saved and given added security to my husband and to our marriage.  I don't even remember half the crud I buy, but I am sure I would remember not buying it if I was able to surprise Tim with the fruits of my savings over the year.

This was a little thing, but it was a reflection of a stubborn heart.  I wanted, what I wanted, and I wanted it now.  Just a story from an ordinary thing....nothing major.  But I believe that if I am going to allow God to break me, it has to start with the little things. 

One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little it also dishonest in much.  If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches?  And if you have not been faithful in that which is another's, who will give you that which is your own?  No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and money.- Luke 16:10-13

The Beginning

Women's Retreat- 2001
with my special friends and sisters in Christ

Welcome to this little baby ministry.  I am a wife and a mom and an everyday, Christian woman, smack in the middle of raising teenagers and navigating the waters of life. In 2001, I felt God's call to full time ministry.  I stood up and publicly acknowledged the call at a women's retreat, not really knowing what it meant.  I don't recall the speaker's name or even what we talked about that day, but I do remember feeling a strong sense of God pulling me. 


In 2002, I began a long journey of seminary work at Dallas Theological Seminary, graduating from there in 2009 with a degree in Christian Education.  All the while, I was fulfilling my main ministry of wife and mom.  Now, nearly 11 years since that call, I am feeling the nudge to step out and see where God might lead me.  I have been active in teaching and am often asked to share with women's groups.  I have also had the most fun serving alongside of my husband, Tim, teaching and counseling couples.


My sweet family-2012

I am stepping out now, to try something more deliberate.  I will begin to write on the blog and hopefully, God will open new doors for me to speak and teach.  Even though it scares me a little, I am also very excited.   I would love for you to tell friends about this and maybe as God teaches me, He can teach others, as well.  But, if no one really ever reads the posts but me, I will always be the one that probably needed to hear those lessons the most, anyway.  There is nothing special about my situation.  I believe that all of us are called to something higher and greater.  I believe that so many of us sit around and stay where we are, looking up 5, 10, 20 years later, not being any further along in the faith or having really made any major impacts for the Kingdom of God.  I hope that reading this journey as I blog, will encourage you to step out and do something new.  Not something fun and new that you have never tried for the sake of trying something new.  But something new and big for the Kingdom of God and solely for His glory.  As always, going somewhere new will have to start with one baby step in the right direction.

The ministry's name, Jordan's Edge, is from Joshua 3-4.   Here, God finally allows Israel to enter the Promised Land...after four centuries of slavery and four decades of wilderness. Generations had waited for and hoped for that place. The Jordan River stood in between the land where they were and the land where God was leading them.  Before they could cross the river, they had to consecrate themselves and then walk all the way up to the edge.  As soon as-and not until- their feet touched the water, God stopped the river, revealed a clear path of dry land, and made a way for them to cross over to bring Him great glory.  Once they made it to the other side, they set up a memorial to remember that day, so that forever their children and all the peoples of the earth would know, "the Hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever"-Joshua 4:24

I believe that we can be at Jordan's edge- reflecting on the goodness of God who didn't leave us in our rebellion and disobedience and who protected and provided for us all the way. We can consecrate ourselves and be set apart for God's great use.  We can be at the edge, past the disobedience, past the insecurities, and past the past....Right on the edge, consecrated and waiting...Ready for God to clear the way and lead us over to what He has for us on the other side.  And then, when He takes us there, our lives can show our children and others how great and mighty is our God. 

My desire is for us to honor God through the ordinary and let Him use us in extraordinary ways.