March on, Mommas

From my experience, the birthing of a godly adult is a lot harder than the birthing of an infant.

Women jump at the chance to talk about events surrounding the delivery of their children- how it started, how long it took and how painful it was...we usually don't leave out any of the details.  In fact, we wear it as a badge of honor.  To a degree, some even feel weak if they require medicine and don't it "naturally". (I'm kinda thinking that no matter how the tiny human is ejected out of the body, it's all about as natural as it gets!)

Lately, I've been considering that the hours of labor and recovery were actually the easiest part of motherhood.  Every phase from that day on has been hard and trying.....rewarding and wonderful....but hard and trying.  And, to make it worse, we are not as eager to share our "labor pains" anymore, so we feel defeated and alone. 

There are challenges and frustrations, no matter what stage of life we are in with children.

The endless breastfeeding and waking and cleaning and uncertainty that comes with newborns is exhausting.  There were times that I felt like if one other person needed to touch my body or consume my resources, I was going to either scream or pass out. (The thought of cuddling with a baby fresh little swaddled one in a rocker sounds so good right now...they grow so fast.)

The baby proofing and shadowing and attentiveness that comes with toddlers is exhausting.  As much as we wanted them to walk, that meant that unless they were in the Exersaucer or playpen, they could go wherever they wanted.  For years, dinner meant mindlessly stuffing food in our mouths with one hand and juggling kids with the other.  When we moved houses, last year, there were still Crayola marks on our bedroom doorframe.  (I wish that I could have torn out the molding and brought it with us.....as tiring as it is, somedays, I would give anything to have a little one that I had to scold for eating the markers again...they grow so fast.)

The teaching and training and loving that comes with early childhood is exhausting.  Balancing discipline with love.  Acting like we don't see things, because we are too tired to have to deal with it.  Making it through the store without a fit.  Trying not to nag, but knowing that certain lessons were too important to pass.  Teaching manners, how to hold a bat, how to fold a towel, how to wash a dish.  (I would love to be back at bedtime with my little one that would hug my neck so tight and for so long that I would actually get frustrated because she wouldn't let go.....it's not so cool for her to hug me anymore)

The busy activity of elementary school is exhausting.  Helping with math, packing lunches, carpooling and helping with homeroom mom stuff.  Trying to know the friends and friend's families and guiding media choices, allowance, and chores.  (As hard as it was to wake up at 7 on a Saturday and be on the freezing cold soccer field, I wouldn't mind having to go buy Capri-Sun and Granola Bars for snacks and be a part of post game "tunnel" again.) 

As they get older, something switches.  They get jobs, cars, families, new friends, new goals.  They don't need the daily business from you any more.  They need you....don't get me wrong.  But your activity becomes more stealth-like.  You still hover, but its a covert hovering.  It becomes not about what they will eat or how they will get to dance class, but more about what choices are they making, are they safe, are they faithful.   The exhaustion changes from physical to mental.  You don't often have to wake up in the middle of the night, worry about taking a shower or sitting on the potty alone, or carry little people and bags and accessories.  You can go lie down on the couch and take a power nap in the middle of the day, even if everyone is home.  As they get even older, you can (*gasp*) get in your car and drive to Starbucks or Target, just because you want to and you can.  You really aren't tired anymore, but you are worn out.

That's because, everyone tells you how hard it is to give birth and raise children, but, no one really tells you how hard it will be to raise adults.

I know moms with teens that are embarrassed by what their kid did last Friday night, what they sent to a girl in a text, what they were caught doing at school.  I know moms that are praying for their adult child who is in jail and moms that are now grandmas because their 15 year old had a baby.  I know moms that have children in their 40's with a family of their own, and they are still praying for their salvation.  I know moms whose adult children have had to move in with them, because they just got out of rehab.  Life gets hard and the stakes get higher.  It can be humiliating, frustrating, humbling, and maddening.  Our children are an extension of us, they carry our name, and if they are Christians, they carry the name of Christ.

As much sheer joy and pride as they can give us, sometimes, they give us pain. 

Many times, I look at myself and I still act like a 16 year old girl.  I make stupid choices and I don't act like I want to act.  You do, too. 

Let's give our kids a break.  Let's give ourselves a break.  Let's give other mothers a break.

Sometimes, Christian moms eat each other up.  We look at families that are struggling and we wonder what is really going on inside their homes.  If we are honest, we think, "If they were really raising their kids in the Lord, they wouldn't be struggling like that"..."Certainly a child from a godly home wouldn't make choices like that"... "if they were what they said they were, this stuff wouldn't be happening."

I have done that to women before.  I haven't said it out loud, but I have thought it.

What if,  instead of blackballing a family, or a mom, or a child, we actually started encouraging them and praying for them.  What if we let them know that they are not alone.  What if we looked them in the eye and said that we didn't blame them for their child's knucklehead actions.  What if we allowed them to be truthful about the pain associated with parenting, without making them feel like they were inadequate parents.  What if we modeled Christ's grace and mercy?

Christian mommas, march on!  Keep praying. Keep trusting God and going to Him for your strength.  Keep walking in the Spirit in your home and in your interactions with your children.  Share the Word and talk about God's faithfulness. Encourage other mothers.  Love your kids through it. 

We have been promised:

Delight yourself in the Lord,  and he will give you the desires of your heart....The salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; he is their stronghold in the time of trouble. The LORD helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.  Psalm 37:4, 39-40 

and....

...so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth, it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.  Isaiah 55:11

and....

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9

and....

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.  He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.  Psalm 127

These children that we are raising are a blessing from God.  They are given to us to by God to be our reward.  Ultimately, they are their own little selves and will make their own choices, good and bad.  We are not held accountable for what they do, but we are held accountable for how we raise them.

Keep raising them in the Word of God and loving them.  Keep trusting God and giving them to Him daily.  No matter what we do to keep them safe, they are safest when we give them to Him.  Let Him move their hearts and let Him fill them with wisdom. 

March on, mommas!  Keep on keeping on.  Don't grow weary.  Trust God.  Submit to Him and allow Him to parent through you.

.....And in the meantime, let's don't eat each other up!  If you see a weary mom, come along side of her and help lift her up.  The ultimate goal is for God to get the glory through all things.  Let's help each other get there!