Mommy Money Laundering

My resolution this year is to be broken.  There are several strongholds that I have in my life that I believe God is wanting to break.  The spending of money is one of those things....

Money laundering is defined as the legitimization of illegally obtained money to hide it's true nature or source.  No surprise that mob guys, shady finance guys or terrorist groups do this.  But God convicted me this week that in essence, I do it, too.

Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man's dwelling, but a foolish man devours it- Prov. 21:20

I know our household budget and I know that it disrespects my husband and our home to spend above what is right or to, as we call it, "nickel & dime", it on junk I do not need.  Instead of choosing not to spend, I have found creative ways to hide the spending....mommy money laundering, I guess you
could call it. 

Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy- Prov. 12:20

You won't ever find me at the expensive stores, because no way could we spend that much money on 'that', whatever 'that' happens to be.  Instead, I love bargains and just the thrill of buying something.  I am also the one that may need a class on 'buyer's remorse', because that grips me every time!  My husband is great at waiting and spending money on something that is really nice quality.  I, on the other hand, I think I just spend because it is fun to get new stuff.  I'm the one that grabs the one last thing that jumped out at me from the shelves at the checkout stand.

The other day, I decided to run over to the mall to find a new top or two.  I found a couple that I really loved, grabbed them and bought them.  Uncharacteristic of me, but I bought two shirts that were almost $90 each.....I'm used to TJ MAXX prices, so this was a splurge. I paid for them with a credit card, put them in my car, and drove home.  I figured that if I paid with the credit card, Tim wouldn't know right away and by the time he saw the charges, he would have seen me in the cute shirts and thought I was so precious it justified the spend.  (keep in mind, we don't ever charge on a credit card). 



obviously not me....but I think that's one of  the shirts.  You know what, in  searching for this pic, I found it $20 cheaper online!  haha....nevermind...it's really was never about the cost of the shirt...

I thought about those shirts for two days, and then realized that it was wrong for me to have charged them.  Still really not wanting Tim to know, but REALLY wanting the shirts, I drove back to the store, and just had them change the method of payment.  This time I had cash from raiding my kids savings from the safe box in our house.  After all, no one would notice that money missing.  My plan was to take out a few little ATM withdraws over the next month and replace my kids cash, without anyone ever realizing  anything was gone.  God was not letting me out of this one, and conviction led me to go back to the store (for the 3rd time) and return the shirts, getting the cash back and returning it to my kids savings envelope.  I'm thinking that I probably could have never said anything.  Tim would have noticed the charge, but there would have been a credit back the next day.  Could have just let that error in judgment go....but,  I decided to seize the opportunity to teach my family the lesson that I had learned.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice- Prov. 12:15

I called them into the kitchen and explained what I had done. Standing at the kitchen counter, with tears and humility, strong momma admitted a sin and asked their dad for forgiveness in front of them.  He hugged me and granted it.  We modeled brokenness and mercy that day.    Not that anything is wrong with shopping or buying things.  But, what I had done is secretively shuffled money around so that I could get what I wanted.  I had done a little creative mommy money laundering.  What I had really done is deceit, dishonesty, disrespect, and disobedience.

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out- Prov. 10:9

I've done it before and you probably have, too.  Put a little something in for you when you went to get a present for someone, or when grocery shopping.  Seriously, who is going to know that I bought that $20 pumpkin candle or the cute jacket at Target when I also bought $150 worth of stuff including soap, toilet paper and orange juice. If it all goes into the big blob, no one will ever notice it.  Frivolous spending is much less evident when it is hidden with legitimate spending.   The problem with me, is that frivolous spending really isn't about spending at all.  It's about getting what I want, regardless of what I have been asked to do.  Over enough years, all of that 'nickel and diming' adds into a big chunk that I know could have been saved and given added security to my husband and to our marriage.  I don't even remember half the crud I buy, but I am sure I would remember not buying it if I was able to surprise Tim with the fruits of my savings over the year.

This was a little thing, but it was a reflection of a stubborn heart.  I wanted, what I wanted, and I wanted it now.  Just a story from an ordinary thing....nothing major.  But I believe that if I am going to allow God to break me, it has to start with the little things. 

One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little it also dishonest in much.  If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches?  And if you have not been faithful in that which is another's, who will give you that which is your own?  No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and money.- Luke 16:10-13