"The Funk"

The house I grew up in had a long staircase that led from the second floor right to the front door.  We slid down the banister and ran down those steps everyday.  To see who was at the door, without them seeing you, you just had to crawl to the landing and peek through the rails.  If the main door was open, you could see right out to the porch, because of the large storm door.

One day, I was doing what I normally did, running spastically down the stairs.  For some reason, I decided to just run right out to the front yard.  I had my eyes on the porch and only a freshly cleaned storm door stood in between.  So yes, I ran full speed, down the stairs until an hard slam stopped me right there.  I was embarrassed, I'm sure, but not really hurt.  I remember it was unexpected and it startled me.  I am still baffled that I would not have remembered it was there and stopped to open it first.



Some random person's door, but it was a lot like this....
 

Sometimes, things just pop up and take us by surprise.  For some reason, when thinking about the strange week I have had, I was reminded of this silly storm door story. 

I have been so discouraged, because I have been running along just fine and feel like I hit an unexpected slam last week that stopped me in my tracks.  Other than meeting a couple of friends with whom I had already made plans, I have spent most of the week holed up in my house, even in my bed.

Around here, I call it "The Funk".  When "The Funk" comes, it is way different than just having a bad day.  It's different from being in a funk, this is "The Funk".  It's like having a week of bad days, with no end in sight.  I am a very upbeat, optimistic person, so bad days don't come around very often for me.  In fact, this week came on so unexpectedly and powerfully, that if you read my "Dark Behind the Smile" blog, I'm kind of afraid I'm back there.


 

Definitely not me!  Hard to muster fake smile and certainly did not cook all week....I did finally wash my hair today. Winning!

Not wanting to sound like a whiner, I'm just going to put it out there, because someone reading it needs to hear this.  I have had nearly two years of chronic neck pain.  I have had MRI's, X-rays, three epidural injections and two facet injections.  I have had probably eight total months of PT, trigger point injections, massages, Lortab, icepacks, traction, and everything else in between.  I have seen orthopedic doctors and a neurosurgeon.  Not a disc issue, no diagnosis.  Basically just an invisible nuisance that has rendered me useless multiple times in the last two years.  Sometimes, when it flares up, I have bad headaches, confusion and I can't even collect coherent thoughts to write. A couple of weeks ago, my head started this weird, random shake....which is annoying and I'm not going to let it scare me. 

I live with it and it just has become part of who I am.  If I really focus on the pain, it's the same as always, I am just used to it.  Sometimes, I think that it will just be like this the rest of my life.  Sometimes, I want to go back to another doctor and run more tests....but I feel like they will not find an answer, either.  I do have an appointment with an ENT next month....so I am a little hopeful he will have some ideas. 

Early in my journey with this, someone said "have you ever considered, this may be your thorn?" (2 Corinthians 12).   I didn't want to hear that, but if it is, I will praise God through it and let Him get glory through my pain. 
 

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

When I battled with depression seven years ago, I felt like if I could just kick it's butt, it would never come back again.  I had successful treatment and scaled back dramatically.  Saying no to activities became a way of life for me and I clipped along feeling good....until last week. 

If you have ever experienced a crash, you know what I am talking about.  It's scary and it is not welcome!!!

After several years of scaled back activity, I have recently become more involved again.  I have been running and going and loving being active again. You know how once someone has had a heat stroke, they can no longer tolerate heat?  Well, it's kind of like I can no longer tolerate stress.  Let me tell you....that is so inconvenient!  I totally love action and go,go, go!  I am not a homebody, I am a go getter!  But, it's almost like I can't go get anymore.

And then, I wonder how long my body can take this nagging pain?  That's gotta be stressing me out all the time.

I guess I reached a threshold last week and slammed into the storm door.  Didn't expect it, but it was there....and it stopped me cold.

This is what needs to happen to me now.  And, if you are in this same boat, this is what you need to do today.

When "The Funk" comes

Get Up:

Even if you feel like laying there all day, get up.  If someone calls and you don't feel like talking, answer the phone.  Turn off the TV, make the bed, take a shower, make some food, and get up.  There is legitimate tired and then there is legitimate funkified laying around.  If you have been laying around so long that there is no possible reason for you to still be tired....get your hiney up and get going!

Get Down:

Humble yourself before the Lord and ask Him to be your strength.  Open the Bible and read.  You are not going to feel like it and it may be the last thing that you want to do....but do it.  If you want power and strength that does not come from you, you have to submit to God and ask for it.  Remembering that there is a sovereign Lord that has you in His hands is both comforting and freeing.  Worship Him and give Him your all.  He is faithful and He cares. 

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.  Psalms 34:17

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.   Psalms 40:1-3

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

 

Get Out:

As much as you do not feel like that 50's lady in the picture above, you have to get dressed and get out.  An hour or two with a friend, really helps!  I did it twice this week and I promise, it helps! Friends remind you that you are loved and that you do make a difference.

I am the worst person to remind us all how important it is to get moving.  The most get moving I have done lately is to the mailbox.  I'm thinking that it would really help if I put on my running shoes and at least walked around the block!  The fresh air and sounds of nature have a great way of rejuvenating a sad soul.  It's spring time, the birds are all back.  Sit on your porch and watch birds for a while. Birds always remind me of God's provision, faithfulness and goodness.  And springtime reminds me that winter doesn't last forever.   

Get On With Your Life:

For me, I have decided to go back on Lexipro. I am not ashamed, because I recognize "The Funk" when I see it. I put off the decision to start the medicine again earlier in the year, because I am so afraid of the weight gain that I know is coming.  I'm thinking that is probably another reason I should be getting out my running shoes...and actually running.  If you can't shake it, talk to someone and get some help.  This is not how your life should be.  Give God glory through your dark days and look forward to the day that you will be back in the light. 

While life goes on even when I am in "The Funk", it is not the life that my family deserves.  If you choose to stay locked up and turned in to yourself, letting "The Funk" win, then it will win.  Do not let your void feeling rule your life.  Get over it and get going again.  I thank God that my husband is so gentle and kind and helps me during these times.  But, I need to get over it and get on with life. 

As much as I haven't felt like writing in a couple of weeks, I felt that I had to write this today.  If this is you.....let this be your call to Get up, Get Down, Get Out, and Get On with your life.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.  Psalms 42:11

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.    2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13 

 Praise Him through the pain.  He is King and Healer. 

 

 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart,

O God, you will not despise.

 Psalm 51:16