Bullseyes & Holes

the bullseye

 

Depravity means "inherited corruption".  Depravity is one of my favorite words.

Strange.....

But, once I truly understood that word, I was able to begin to grasp the concept of grace.  Not just grace given to me by God, but grace that I need to give to others...and to myself.

Humanity is inherently corrupted.  Humanity needs Grace.  Humanity needs Jesus.

Until I understood the true condition of humanity, I could not appreciate why humanity needs Jesus.

As strange as it sounds, I think that my favorite, most life changing, class in seminary was one of my systematic theology classes, "The Sin Class".  Well, officially it was ST103 Angelology, Anthropology, & Hamartiology- the study of angels, Satan, humanity, and sin.  Hamartiology (the study of missing the mark), is the segment of Theology (study of God) that examines the concept of sin.  For me, it will always be the class that taught me about depravity.

I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow, it was deeply ingrained in me that there was something good about me that God recognized and that this is why he spoke to my heart and led me to salvation.  I believed that by serving and doing enough good stuff, I could earn the favor of God.   I also believed that sin was just what I did or did not do.

Sin is what we are and sin is what those around us are.  That is why we need a Savior.  That is why we need daily submission to that Savior.  That is why Jesus Christ must be both Savior and Lord.

Sin is literally, "missing the mark".  It is any failure to conform to the moral law of God in act, attitude or nature.  Sin not only relates to our actions, but also our attitudes and ultimately our very nature.  Because our human nature is sin, we act out in sinful, selfish, lawless ways.  It's like when little children do wrong without having ever been taught to do wrong. By our very nature we are stubborn, obstinate, selfish, and broken. 

We are not sinners because we sin, we sin because we are sinners.

 

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned  Romans 5:12

Sin is serious.  At the core, it is man completely separated from God.  It manifests itself as painful, harmful and destructive actions by us or by others against us. Sin is wrong and God hates it.


History reflects the record of man's sin and rebellion and of God's plan to bring man back to Himself.  God has given a standard of holiness and that is the "bullseye" we are aiming for.  The problem is that most of us spend our lives trying to hit the middle of the bullseye, using tools in our own pockets....morality, religion, traditions, money, talents.... 

Our tools alone will never hit the bullseye...Humans throughout history have died, having never hit the bullseye.  They spend eternity separated from God. 

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 6:23

Another way to look at it is that man starts off in a hole, completely separated from God.  Nothing that man does alone can ever get him out of the hole. Nothing that man does alone can ever clear him of this inherited corruption. 

On his own, he will never, ever, ever be able to hit the bullseye or get out of the hole, even if he spends his entire life trying to do just that.

A Man in a Hole



For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:6-8

Because we could never meet the standard, God in his great grace and mercy, sent Jesus to meet the standard for us.  He came to earth for the sole purpose of hitting the mark on our behalf. He was the perfect sacrifice that was made for us. God accepted his sacrifice....and then made it available to us.  Jesus satisfied God....apart from Him, we cannot.

And every priest stands daily at his service, offering repeatedly the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.                Hebrews 10:11-14
 

Because Christ hit the bulleye, we actually can do something to meet God's standard.  We actually can do something to get out of the hole. 

We can trust in Jesus Christ.  We can admit that we are in a hole.  We can turn to Him and to Him alone,  and He will pull us out of the hole.

 

"because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.  For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”  For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him.  For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”  Romans 10:13

So we do have a tool in our pocket that we can use after all!  But we had nothing to do with it. 

There are many challenges today...

If you are not a Christian:

- Do you know that you are in a hole? (full of sin and unable to satisfy God)
- Do you know that Jesus is how to get out? (because he was fully able and did satisfy God)


If you are a Christian:

- Do you know that others are in the hole (full of sin and unable to satisfy God)
- Do you care?
- Do you daily rely on Jesus as the one that hits the mark for you?
- Do you give grace to others, even other believers, who are living in sin and making sinful choices?

When I remember this, I am a better parent, wife and friend.  I understand that people are human, they are sinful.  They need grace.  When those around us hurt us, we give grace...because that is what God does for us. We are not responsible to change the heart of the other person, that is God's job. We are just to be graceful, speak the truth in love, be kind, and share Christ. 

If you are a Christian, also remember:

-Grace does not mean that we are to use it as an excuse to keep on sinning. We are to walk in new life and be victorious.  Strive to live a life that makes choices obeying the Spirit of God more than you make choices obeying your own flesh.  

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?  By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.  Romans 6:1-4
 

-Your desire to keep sinning does not mean you are not saved. Once, a student told me that he did not think that he was really a Christian, because he thought that if he was a Christian, he would not sin anymore.  Back to the hole analogy, once we are saved, we are never, ever back in the hole.  But, unfortunately, we do stay human until the day we die.  Because we stay human, we stay sinful.  We are just saved sinners.  We are new and we have the Holy Spirit, but we are still human.  That is why we battle sin.  Struggling with sin is a sign that you know the sin is wrong.  You should worry if the sin never bothers you.  The struggle does not mean you are not saved, it means you are human.  For this reason, even Paul could say:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. Romans 7:15-20
 

-Since you have been set free from your sins, do not let yourselves become enslaved to those sins again.  Know your tendencies and temptations.  Take every step necessary to flee from those temptations.  Get an accountability partner.  Lean heavily on God to help you resist and flee. 

For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
Romans 6:10-14
 

-Do not be defeated if you choose sin.  Repent and march on, trusting God's grace to bring you forgiveness and restoration.

He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.  Psalm 103:10-14

 

You cannot hit the bullseye, but Christ did.  Admit your depravity and the depravity of those around you.  Accept God's grace in Jesus Christ.  Give grace to others.  Let Jesus be your Lord and Savior.  Walk victoriously in that truth.

The Game is Only Half Over

Have you ever heard the story of Roy "Wrong Way" Riegels?

Roy was the starting center for the University of California, Berkley in the late 1920's.  His team had made it to the coveted National Championship game at the Rose Bowl, playing against Georgia Tech.  At one point in the first half, GT fumbled only 30 yards from their own goal line and Roy Riegels recovered the ball.  He then did something that earned him a new nickname.  He picked up the ball and rushed for 69 yards...in the wrong direction!  He was tackled at the one yard line by one of his own players just before he would have scored a touchdown for the opposing team.  His team decided to punt because of their horrible field position, and that punt was blocked, giving GT a safety and a two point lead.

 

You can also click here to watch video

 

 

Of course, Riegels was humiliated and it was probably hard for him to line back up and finish the first half.  Soon after, the team ran in to the locker room to regroup for the second half.  Roy sat alone in shame and listened to the coach, Nibs Price, address the team.  Then, Coach Price said that he planned to use the same starting line up for the second half.  All of the players put their helmets back on and ran out of the locker room to take the field.  All of them, except Riegels.  Coach hollered at Reigels, asking if he had heard the plan that the same players were to take their starting positions.  Riegels said, "Coach, I can't do it. I've ruined you, I've ruined myself, I've ruined the University of California. I couldn't face that crowd to save my life.".  Coach Price is quoted as responding, "Roy, get up and go back out there — the game is only half over."

Riegels went on to have a stellar second half, but GT still won, 8-7.  Riegels ended his college career as captain and All-American his senior year and was eventually inducted into Hall of Fame for both the Rose Bowl and University of California.

  

Many times, Christians feel the same way as Roy did in that locker room at half time.  We look at our lives and we wonder if we can go back out and keep playing.  I have friends who are looking at their lives in their 40's, thinking that it is not at all how they planned it would be.  Some had dreams of a godly, "Focus of the Family" kind of family. But, reality has them depositing child support payments and living as a single parent.  Some are living with chronic pain or depression, unable even to work a full day or live life with the joy they had before.  Some are facing the next years without a loved one because disease took them away.  Some look at their lives and everything is chaotic because they started having a little drink every night to relax, and now the drinking starts when the kids leave in the morning and it seems that is the only way to make it through the day.  Some just look at life and disobedience and rebellion have hardened their hearts to a point where they are not sure if they will ever feel the same way about God again.

 

If you find yourself in a place like this, listen to the coach..."Get up and go back out there- the game is only half over." 

 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  James 1:2-4

 

I am 41 now.  Unless God chooses to take me early, I am probably literally only half way through my life.  It has been said that one of the most useless stats in sports is the halftime score, because so much can change during the rest of the game.  I encourage you to get off the bench, get out of the funk, and get up and finish the game.

 

One of the marks of a Christian is the ability to persevere.  Persevere through trial, sin, rebellion, shame, suffering, and pain.  The Christian doesn't persevere because they are so good or strong, or can "pull themselves up by their bootstraps."  The Christian perseveres because they have, living within them, the Holy Spirit, the very power of Christ.  We live defeated and frustrated lives when we try to do it on our own.

 

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

 

A great place to start is just on your face before God.  I have had times where I have actually said something like this to God- "I do not feel like coming to you and praying.  I have lost the desire to be godly, I am tired and I am not sure that this is all worth it...Are you even real?" Then I have asked him to fill me with the desire to love him and to be obedient to him.  I have asked him to place the spark in me to keep going.  God honors that kind of prayer.  There is not ever a time that God's love, grace and mercy are not available to you.  You can never get so far away where He can not find you or get to a point where His patience has ended. 

 

The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:8-12

 

 

Let today be the day that you ask Him to help you get back on the field.  Let Him break your heart and help you see the sin and apathy that has caused such discouragement.  Give Him permission to mold you into the saint that He has called you to be....and then repent and get back in the game.

 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 51:17

 

You cannot play the second half without Him. 

 

Another favorite sports story of mine is when Derek Redmond's dad picked him up and helped him cross the finish line.  Derek was running the 400 in the 1992 Olympics, when a pulled hamstring forced him to the track right after the final curve.  He got up and started hobbling to the end, while a crowd of 65,000 cheered  in support.  Seeing his son struggle, Derek's father jumped from the stands, picked him up and served as his crutch for the final 100 yards.  All of the other runners had long since finished the race.  Eventually, because of his father, he crossed the finish line.

 

You can also click here to watch video

 

 

Let today be your half time pep talk!  Get up and finish the race, the game is only half over!

 

 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.   Hebrews 12:1-2

 

 

 

Eventually, Avocados

my sweet little avocado plant

Last summer, my family went to southern California to visit my sister and her family.  On the way back to the airport, we stopped at a roadside farmer's market and bought seven California avocados to bring back home.  Yes, I know that they sell avocados in Oklahoma, but I heard that California avocados are so good.  So good, in fact, that I was willing to carry them by my side for the next nine hours.  (I have several traveling fruit stories in my past.... FYI-don't MAIL bananas in care packages to your fiancé in Florida in the middle of the summer!...of course, duh! Well, love is stupid...or at least, evidently, I was)

Anyway.....

The avocados made it home and we ate them and they were good.  I had memories of my mother putting avocado seeds in water with toothpicks and watching them root.  So I did that.  The seed from one of the avocados sat by my sink for four months, until the roots looked so good that I bought a special pot for it and planted it in dirt.  For the last two months, I have been blowing on this plant to give it CO2 and I actually check in with it and "talk" to it almost every day.  I have even showed my friends.  It's pretty pathetic, but I really love that sweet little avocado plant.  I have big hopes for it.  Like in about 10 years, you can come over and we can eat guacamole that I have made from the fruit that it will bear.  If it grows and grows and then never bears fruit, I will be so sad (yes, I know I need to keep it in perspective).  As much as I love this little seeding, I will be very disappointed if there are not, eventually, avocados. 

To stretch a metaphor, I think that a lot of Christians are like my sweet little avocado plant.  We are growing and growing and getting stronger and taller.  But, sometimes, with all the growth, it really doesn't go much further than that.  We don't ever bear fruit.  The coolest thing about fruit is that it always has seeds.  The avocado has one big honkin' seed, the pomegranate can have 200-1400 seeds....which is why it was considered a "love" fruit in ancient cultures...use your imagination.

As a Christian we should grow and grow, but if we have growth and no fruit, and cast no seed, we are missing the point of our journey completely.

Jesus walked on the earth for 40 days after He was resurrected.  During that time, he taught and ministered to specific groups of people.  It was during this time that he gave two specific instructions as to what his disciples were to do from that point forward 

 

Command #1-

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations- Matthew 28:19 (The Great Commission)

Command #2-

be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth- Acts 1:8 (His last words before he ascended into heaven)

 

These are both "casting seed" commands.  Jesus was physically leaving earth, and leaving with his disciples a command to go and the power to do it (The Holy Spirit).  While it is really good to grow and learn, we have to ask what is the point of the growth?  If it is just to grow in knowledge, but we never share the knowledge, what good does the knowledge really do?  A friend of mine says that we have become "stuffed" with spirituality.  I agree.  We go to conferences, Bible studies, small groups.  We listen to Christian radio, music and sermons.  We go to Mardel and buy Christian stuff.  We spend time in quiet reflection and worship. We get to church on Sunday and maybe Wednesday. Don't misunderstand me, ALL of these things are good!   But, these things are a means to an end....they should be equipping us to go out and make disciples.  Go out and teach and share what we have learned to pupils that will eventually do the same.




The Seed Sower



The Seed Sower is one of the great symbols of the University of Oklahoma.  I am drawn to it and to what it represents.  In the sower's pouch are thousands of seeds, each filled with great promise.  He will scatter the seeds and then care for the seeds and wait for the reward of the harvest.  Imagine what the fields will look like once those seeds in his pouch have grown and matured!


As Christians we are to learn and grow to the point where we have the seeds of truth and knowledge that God has given us.  We are then to scatter those seeds.  There are different types of hearts out there.  Some are soft and will receive the word that you scatter, others are hardened and will reject it and scoff at you.  (See Jesus's parable of the seeds found in Mark 4, Matthew 13, and Luke 8) We are not responsible for what happens to those seeds once we have sown them.  We are also not alone in scattering seeds.  Paul mentioned in 1 Corinthians 3:6  that he planted the seeds and his friend, and fellow laborer, Apollos, watered the seeds.  But, it was God who eventually caused those seed to grow.  Our job is not to keep the seeds and our job is not to cause the seeds to grow.  But, we are called to scatter the seeds.

Charles Spurgeon, the faithful 19th century preacher, said:

       "The preacher of the gospel is like the sower. He does not make his seed; it is given him by his divine Master. No man could create the smallest grain that ever grew upon the earth, much less the celestial seed of eternal life. The minister goes to his Master in secret, and asks him to teach him his gospel, and thus he fills his basket with the good seed of the kingdom. He then goes forth in his Master's name and scatters precious truth. If he knew where the best soil was to be found, perhaps he might limit himself to that which had been prepared by the plough of conviction; but not knowing men's hearts, it is his business to preach the gospel to every creature—to throw a handful on the hardened heart, and another on the mind which is overgrown with the cares and pleasures of the world. He has to leave the seed in the care of the Lord who gave it to him, for he is not responsible for the harvest, he is only accountable for the care and industry with which he does his work. If no single ear should ever make glad the reaper, the sower will be rewarded by His Master if he had planted the right seed with careful hand.

Our duty is not measured by the character of our hearers, but by the command of our God. We are bound to preach the gospel, whether men will hear, or whether they will forbear. It is ours to sow beside all waters. Let men's hearts be what they may, the minister must preach the gospel to them; he must sow the seed on the rock as well as in the furrow, on the highway as well as in the ploughed field."

 

To some degree I feel like I have been holding on to my seeds for too long.  My husband tells me that I am underestimating the number of seeds that I have sown over the years.  While, this may be true, and I am looking forward to seeing the harvest of my scattering one day in heaven, I know for sure that I could always be scattering more.  I would guess that some of you reading this are wondering how many seeds you have actually scattered.  While it is good for our neighbors to know that we are nice people and for our coworkers to know that we are moral people....that is not enough.  The world is full of nice, moral people that do not know the truth of God.  With how many people have we actually shared the Gospel?  Are we comfortable doing this, or if we are being real, do we think that we should just be super sweet to them and that someone else will tell them about Jesus?

We need to get real.  We need to evaluate our faith journey.  Do we get the real purpose of the race, or are we most concerned for ourselves and our immediate circle of family and friends?  What can we do to actively scatter seed and make disciples and be witnesses?  This can be a sermon that a preacher would make on a Sunday morning, but most of us are not preachers.  For us, it is sharing our testimony and telling of the good things that God has done and the freedom and forgiveness that we have found in Him.  It means actually using the name of Jesus Christ and sowing those truths in the heart of someone.  The seed is powerful!  It is powerful because of God, not because of us.  Just sow the seed.

If you pray about this and think about this for a while, God will put some ideas in your mind.  Some places where you can scatter seed that he has given to you. What type of person tugs at your heart?  It may be kids, teens, someone at school or work.  It may be homeless, sick, elderly, international people.  I do not know what it will look like for you.  But, when they cross your mind and you feel compassion on them, go and scatter God's seeds of love and hope.  Tell them about your Jesus, give them the reason that you hope amidst the suffering.  Go.  Go and make disciples.  Go and be His witnesses.  It is not up to you what happens after that. That is up to God's sovereignty. Just fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith, and run ahead.....scattering seeds all along the way. 

While God expects the faithful to do many things, we must, eventually, scatter seeds.

I Left Her There

 

I left my 17 year old self there.....

At the beautiful, ugly tree.

 



Around the time that I felt called to full time ministry, I did a lot of reflecting.  Reflecting on things I was holding on to and parts of my life where I was not trusting God.  I felt like I had unfinished business in my hometown, so I drove there by myself one day.

Cross Canadian Ragweed has a song, called 17, about how you are always 17 in your hometown.  I don't like this, because I didn't like my 17 year old self.  She was very successful and talented, but I didn't like her insecurities, her pain or her inability to accept grace. In fact, to some degree, I was still holding on to my 17 year old self.  I was probably just a normal teenager, making stupid teenager choices, but still, I wasn't proud of that. I wanted to go back to my hometown, revisit her, and then leave her there.



Class of '89

 

 

It wasn't about apologizing to people and forgiving people....that, I had already done. When I was in college I called my stepdad and told him that even though he wasn't asking for it, I forgave him for his erratic behavior.  When I got a little older, I wrote a letter to my former best friend.  I was even able to talk to the person that sponsored my 10th grade ski trip.  I had already thanked the women that had poured into me and spoken truth to me....the people that had challenged me and loved me anyway.  It wasn't about my salvation and me asking for God's forgiveness, I had already done that.  But, what I had never done was say goodbye to that girl and really let her go.  That's why I took this trip.
 

I had in mind where I wanted to end up, but first I drove around town.  I drove to the house where I was raised.  It was the middle of the day, I hoped no one would be home or no neighbors would be watching.  I got out of my car and walked around the outside of the house, peering in windows while flooded with memories.   Some good, some sad.  Through the tears, I was speaking forgiveness.  I thanked God for a noble mother and for sweet siblings.  I thanked God for knowing that I was there and for remembering me.  I thanked him for the provisions and the guidance and lessons learned there. 

 

I got back in my car and drove through town.  I drove down 'the drag' (How did we ever find that exciting?) I drove to places where I had "thrown pearls to swine". I drove to places where I had masqueraded as a believer, but been a confused hypocrite.  I drove to places where I could almost relive the pain and embarrassment.    It was like watching a movie, where it seemed strangely familiar, almost like it was my life....but it wasn't anymore.

 

My final stop was at a picnic area at the old lake hangout.  I really never spent much time at this exact place, but I used it to represent my entire life in my hometown.  I sat at a pecan tree in early spring, before it's new life had emerged.  This picture is of the actual tree, I have it framed in my study.  I sat there, alone with my Bible and my God, who had been wooing me that whole time.

My beautiful, ugly tree

 

I already knew that I was forgiven, I knew that I was saved, but sometimes I still believed the lies that Satan told me....that I really wasn't good enough, it was not possible to remove guilt and shame, people would never forgive and forget.  That day I asked God to release me of those thoughts.  To show me that He makes all things new and that I really am a new creation since I am in Christ.  I cried and I talked a lot.  I also laid face down in that dry, spotty grass and let God wash me and speak truth to me.  After a really long time, maybe hours, I got up from that spot, walked to my car, took this picture and drove away. 

Life is full of choices and sometimes we make bad decisions.  By our sin, we put a barrier between us and God which leads to regret and shame.    Then, often times, we choose to stay there.  Blocked from the fullness of God, trapped in our sin.  This is when we have defeat.  Wallowing in mistakes doesn't make the mistake go away, it just puts a magnifying glass on it and on the consequences.  You can choose to sit and stare at your past, or worse, walk backwards trying to stay there.  Or, you can cast away the past and run forward, fixing your eyes on Christ, the author and perfecter of your faith.  When you give him the past- the choices, the consequences, the regret and shame- really give it to him, that is when He will take it from you. (maybe this is your weight that we talked about from Hebrews 12)
 

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal 2:20

 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

 

 

Maybe your hurt is from the last year you, or the right now you.  And, sometimes, what has hurt you from your past, isn't related to your sin at all, but from someone else's sin.  You find yourself living in the shadows of the consequences they brought upon you and your family.  You need to give that to God, too. 

 

Once you have the obedience to leave the past to God, he will flood you with healing.  Go to a symbolic location and ask God to meet with you there.  Take a picture or write a story about it.  When the enemy tries to throw it back up to you, go back to that place and remember that you have victory.  From then on, remember the victory, not the battle.  It's like remembering an empty cross, instead of a cross filled with Christ.  It is finished, He defeated sin and death.  You have victory and you have new life....not because you are now so good, but because your Christ is always so good.
 

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.     Colossians 2:8-14

 

as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.             Psalm 103:12

 

 

People around you may not be able to take the 'old you' out of their minds- but that's okay.  How they see you is ultimately not what's most important. There should, however, be an obvious change in your life and your choices.  It is appropriate to ask forgiveness.  The hope is that those people will release you and forgive you, but if they do not, it is not your problem.  Unless those that were affected and involved in your story have had the same type of forgiveness and healing, they may not ever be able to let go of who you were then or of pain you may have caused them.  Offer it to them, but if they don't accept it, that is okay, it doesn't matter.  God does not hold it any more.  It has been cast away and nailed to the cross.  All of it...

 

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” 1 Sam 16:7  

Go find your own memorial marker, leave your past there, hold your head high, march on and thank God.  Your marker may be a building, a place in nature, a picture, a figurine, or a box full of something.  You may want to throw something into the lake, bury it, burn it.....I don't know what it will look like for you.  But having a tangible marker helps so much.  Then tell someone about it.  Tell your children, let them know about your God.   Don't be afraid to be real with people.

 

The Bible talks about faithful people building memorials, alters, markers to remember the great things God had done. 

 

One example of this is from the Jordan river story in Joshua 4:

 

And those twelve stones, which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up at Gilgal. And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever.” Joshua 4:20-24

 

 

Another example in Genesis 35:

 

Then let us arise and go up to Bethel, so that I may make there an altar to the God who answers me in the day of my distress and has been with me wherever I have gone.”
Genesis 35:3

 

 

  

I thank God for my past.   After all, like dark is the best way to appreciate light, ugly is the best way to appreciate beauty.  The past is what made us what we are today and ultimately, if used correctly, it is what makes us beautiful today.  Because of it, we can understand how far God's grace and mercy can reach.  Because of it, we can freely offer grace to others...to our spouses, our children, our friends.  Even when they are not beautiful....
 

Hallelujah for my beautiful, ugly tree and for all of the other markers I have along the way and for the markers still to come!  Hallelujah that God makes beautiful things out of us.....

 

 

   

 

If the link above doesn't work on your mobile device, please click here to watch video.

 

 

 

                                                           

 



 

I Did It

I did it!  I said I wouldn't do it, I thought a lot about not doing it, I really didn't want to do it, but I still did it.....

I took these pounds into my 40's.

I have an issue with my weight.  My story may not be the same as yours.  For many of you, weight has always been your battle and it is hard to fight the genetics that you have received.  If this is you...please do not read this as me being insensitive toward you.  Please, please, please do not do that.  If you would see me, you may not think I am overweight....well, that's not true.  I am sure that if you know me, or have known me, you probably think that....but I have made a deliberate decision not to fret over that.  I make a point to suppress the desire to worry about what you might say when I turn away.    I have tried not to let my daughters know that me gaining 20 pounds really does bother me.  I really don't want it to be about how I look or how much I weigh.   Of course, I care about that....but it does not define me.  It doesn't define you, either.

I fool myself by thinking that if I buy cute tops that cover my butt, somehow, my weight won't be noticed.  I've also finally come to the realization that the problem is not the clothes...it's me.  In the past 10 years, I have had  two years of Lexipro to get me out of the fog of depression that was a result of my overactive, "say yes to everything" crazy period....(you will eventually crash, people!) But, that is another story for another day.  I did go through five steroid injections over a six month period for chronic neck pain...but, that is also another story for another day. Those things alone will put on extra pounds that are hard to get off.  But those things ultimately are not the reason I took these pounds into my 40's. 



FYI....maxi dresses are pretty forgiving.

It's not genetics...My mom is in her 60's and wears size zero pants.  I have been tempted to just grab her pants and see if I could even get them up past my thighs!  It's not that I work out all the time and just can't seem to get the weight off....ask my couch or the ladies from The View.  It's not even that I have been eating right, but my metabolism has just slowed so much.....ask the Dr. Pepper dispenser at the Big Gulp counter at 7-11.  I took these pounds into my 40's because I did not treat my body as the 'temple of the living God' and I had little self control.  I refused to deny myself  anything that I wanted and I found comfort in foods and Big Gulps when I was stressed or just needed a little treat.  When you get to the root of the problem, disobedience is why I took these pounds into my 40's.



seriously...this stuff's good!

My resolution this year is to be broken. For me, another stronghold is food. I don't know if you have ever tried fasting, but I have many times.  It is hard for me to fast even for one day!  Partly, because I am selfish and don't want to deny myself a treat and partly because my cells have been so conditioned to get fuel from junk, that without it, it's like every cell in my body is convulsing by the end of the day.  I started this year with a couple of days of fasting, trying to be obedient those days to replace my every thought about food with only thoughts about God.  I was amazed how much I thought about food.  It was also very hard to not go around "looking gloomy....with a distorted face" (see Luke 6:16), because it really is that hard for me.

I have committed to be more deliberate with what and when I eat.  I'm not really interested in freaking out about a diet and exercise program.  I just want to be obedient when it comes to food and health. The food I eat or don't eat, will not commend me before God (1 Cor. 8:8)....it is not the food, it is the heart.   Ideally, at the end of the year, I will be healthier and it will be noticeable.  But, since the issue with my weight is a matter of the heart, hopefully my heart will be what changes the most.

                         
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31        

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God?  You are not your own,  for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.  
1 Corinthians 6:19-20  
                 
For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 
Luke 12:23   
    
But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 
1 Corinthians 9:27      
    
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.                                                Romans 12:1-2

            

  

The Race



The Race

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...  Hebrews 12:1-2

Track practice started this week for one of our daughters.  In preparation for the season, they run, eat right, buy the perfect running shoes, and workout in the weight room. The track suit for high school is a tank and shorts.....Imagine how ridiculous it would be if at the first meet of the season, they got out on the track, down in the blocks, wearing Uggs, jeans, a winter parka and a mountain climbing backpack. I wouldn't expect a fast run and there would be stumbles along the way, I'm sure.

In essence, Christians do the same kind of things everyday in our race of faith.  We have stuff weighing us down, tripping us up, and making us ineffective and frustrated.  We are running the race weighed down and we are fighting the fight entangled.  The writer of Hebrews tells us to "lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us".

The race and cloud of witnesses....

The Christian life has a goal, to look more and act more like Christ.  At the start of this new year, how would you answer the question, "do I look more like Christ today, then I did this time last year?" Like a race, where you run and actually go from one place to another, your faith should be moving you along.  This race can be run successfully, and there is a "great cloud of witnesses" that can attest to it. It is not suggested that they are like spectators in a stadium watching us, but more as though they are people that we can look to as having successfully finished the faith race...they are the heroes of the faith, spoken of in Hebrews Ch. 11.  They are not witnessing us in the race, but are bearing witness that God can see us through the race. The word for witness here is the same word for martyr, and race is agon (where we get our word agony).  The race isn't easy.  It is set before us to run.  It shouldn't be comfortable, it should call for sacrifices and putting ourselves aside.    I have people in my life that I consider to be part of that cloud of witnesses and I hope that I can be that for others.  The writer of Hebrews was saying, look at all of the Old Testament saints and their stories and endurance in the faith race....they are your inspiration....it can be done!

Lay aside every encumbrance....

When we have encumbrances (literally weight, mass, burdens), they slow us down.  It is not implied that these weights are sinful things, the sinful things are later said to entangle.  Sometimes the weights are things that are not inherently bad or evil, just things that for us, are slowing us down.  It's like when Jesus commended Mary for choosing the "better part".  Sometimes it's not a choice of what's good or bad, but of what is the better part.  My weights may not be the same as yours.

I heard a story on the radio years ago that illustrates this perfectly:




"Why in the world....what's wrong with checkers?"

Elisha Carter loved to play checkers. This was before video games or even video tapes, 
so checkers was high on the list of fun things. In the evenings, Elisha and his brothers would eat, then sit down to a rousing tournament of checkers. One morning Elisha came to the breakfast table and informed his brothers that he could not play checkers anymore.  They said, “Why in the world…what’s wrong with checkers?”  

He replied, “You know, every night as I go to bed, I spend that time focusing my whole mind and heart on Christ.  I talk to Him.  I go through the things of the day and I think about the next day.  It’s a very special time with Him.  And I vowed years ago that I would never let anything come between me and my relationship with Jesus Christ.  And last night when I went to bed all I could think about was the moves I could have made on a checkerboard.”*

And Elisha Carter never played checkers again.

(Story told by Bill Elliff, Elisha’s great grandson. Pastor Elliff says his great grandfather passed down a great legacy of faith that still resonates in the family today)

the sin which so easily entangles us...

Here's another scenario.... A close quarters combat battle where your weapon is the sword you have tucked into your clothing.  It is imperative that you are able to pull it out quickly.  Imagine, someone coming at you and you having to say 'hold up a sec, my swords all wrapped up in my cloak, I can't get it out".  Too late, you're attacked....having the weapon, but it being rendered useless because you couldn't use it correctly. 

The sin in our lives trips us up.  Ultimately, the sin that entangles us is unbelief and lack of faith.  In what area of your life are you refusing to believe God ?  Why won't you give up yourself and allow God to work and flow through you?  What are you afraid of if you totally submit and give Him authority in your life? Those are the things that entangle us and cause us to be ineffective.  To fight the fight and finish the race we must trust that He who has called us to run it is faithful. 

It is my prayer that we will seek to be consecrated and to be faithful in this race.  I pray that God will give us wisdom to see what is weighing us down and what is rendering us useless.  Then when He shows us, that we will be obedient to do something about it. 

"Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." 
James 4:17

Fixing our eyes on Jesus...

While the cloud of witnesses, heroes and martyrs of the faith, can inspire us and show us that the race can be won, only One can equip us to actually do it.  By setting our eyes on Christ, not the track, not the circumstances surrounding the race, not the other runners, we can find the strength to endure.  Especially when the race seems like agony!  The secret to running the race, looking more like Christ this time next year, throwing off the heavy weights and tossing fear and unbelief aside, is Jesus.  Let Him give you strength for the day, or hour, or minute.....  Our own strength fails, our best earthy advisors and mentors fail, but, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me".....

Mommy Money Laundering

My resolution this year is to be broken.  There are several strongholds that I have in my life that I believe God is wanting to break.  The spending of money is one of those things....

Money laundering is defined as the legitimization of illegally obtained money to hide it's true nature or source.  No surprise that mob guys, shady finance guys or terrorist groups do this.  But God convicted me this week that in essence, I do it, too.

Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man's dwelling, but a foolish man devours it- Prov. 21:20

I know our household budget and I know that it disrespects my husband and our home to spend above what is right or to, as we call it, "nickel & dime", it on junk I do not need.  Instead of choosing not to spend, I have found creative ways to hide the spending....mommy money laundering, I guess you
could call it. 

Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy- Prov. 12:20

You won't ever find me at the expensive stores, because no way could we spend that much money on 'that', whatever 'that' happens to be.  Instead, I love bargains and just the thrill of buying something.  I am also the one that may need a class on 'buyer's remorse', because that grips me every time!  My husband is great at waiting and spending money on something that is really nice quality.  I, on the other hand, I think I just spend because it is fun to get new stuff.  I'm the one that grabs the one last thing that jumped out at me from the shelves at the checkout stand.

The other day, I decided to run over to the mall to find a new top or two.  I found a couple that I really loved, grabbed them and bought them.  Uncharacteristic of me, but I bought two shirts that were almost $90 each.....I'm used to TJ MAXX prices, so this was a splurge. I paid for them with a credit card, put them in my car, and drove home.  I figured that if I paid with the credit card, Tim wouldn't know right away and by the time he saw the charges, he would have seen me in the cute shirts and thought I was so precious it justified the spend.  (keep in mind, we don't ever charge on a credit card). 



obviously not me....but I think that's one of  the shirts.  You know what, in  searching for this pic, I found it $20 cheaper online!  haha....nevermind...it's really was never about the cost of the shirt...

I thought about those shirts for two days, and then realized that it was wrong for me to have charged them.  Still really not wanting Tim to know, but REALLY wanting the shirts, I drove back to the store, and just had them change the method of payment.  This time I had cash from raiding my kids savings from the safe box in our house.  After all, no one would notice that money missing.  My plan was to take out a few little ATM withdraws over the next month and replace my kids cash, without anyone ever realizing  anything was gone.  God was not letting me out of this one, and conviction led me to go back to the store (for the 3rd time) and return the shirts, getting the cash back and returning it to my kids savings envelope.  I'm thinking that I probably could have never said anything.  Tim would have noticed the charge, but there would have been a credit back the next day.  Could have just let that error in judgment go....but,  I decided to seize the opportunity to teach my family the lesson that I had learned.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice- Prov. 12:15

I called them into the kitchen and explained what I had done. Standing at the kitchen counter, with tears and humility, strong momma admitted a sin and asked their dad for forgiveness in front of them.  He hugged me and granted it.  We modeled brokenness and mercy that day.    Not that anything is wrong with shopping or buying things.  But, what I had done is secretively shuffled money around so that I could get what I wanted.  I had done a little creative mommy money laundering.  What I had really done is deceit, dishonesty, disrespect, and disobedience.

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out- Prov. 10:9

I've done it before and you probably have, too.  Put a little something in for you when you went to get a present for someone, or when grocery shopping.  Seriously, who is going to know that I bought that $20 pumpkin candle or the cute jacket at Target when I also bought $150 worth of stuff including soap, toilet paper and orange juice. If it all goes into the big blob, no one will ever notice it.  Frivolous spending is much less evident when it is hidden with legitimate spending.   The problem with me, is that frivolous spending really isn't about spending at all.  It's about getting what I want, regardless of what I have been asked to do.  Over enough years, all of that 'nickel and diming' adds into a big chunk that I know could have been saved and given added security to my husband and to our marriage.  I don't even remember half the crud I buy, but I am sure I would remember not buying it if I was able to surprise Tim with the fruits of my savings over the year.

This was a little thing, but it was a reflection of a stubborn heart.  I wanted, what I wanted, and I wanted it now.  Just a story from an ordinary thing....nothing major.  But I believe that if I am going to allow God to break me, it has to start with the little things. 

One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little it also dishonest in much.  If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches?  And if you have not been faithful in that which is another's, who will give you that which is your own?  No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and money.- Luke 16:10-13

The Beginning

Women's Retreat- 2001
with my special friends and sisters in Christ

Welcome to this little baby ministry.  I am a wife and a mom and an everyday, Christian woman, smack in the middle of raising teenagers and navigating the waters of life. In 2001, I felt God's call to full time ministry.  I stood up and publicly acknowledged the call at a women's retreat, not really knowing what it meant.  I don't recall the speaker's name or even what we talked about that day, but I do remember feeling a strong sense of God pulling me. 


In 2002, I began a long journey of seminary work at Dallas Theological Seminary, graduating from there in 2009 with a degree in Christian Education.  All the while, I was fulfilling my main ministry of wife and mom.  Now, nearly 11 years since that call, I am feeling the nudge to step out and see where God might lead me.  I have been active in teaching and am often asked to share with women's groups.  I have also had the most fun serving alongside of my husband, Tim, teaching and counseling couples.


My sweet family-2012

I am stepping out now, to try something more deliberate.  I will begin to write on the blog and hopefully, God will open new doors for me to speak and teach.  Even though it scares me a little, I am also very excited.   I would love for you to tell friends about this and maybe as God teaches me, He can teach others, as well.  But, if no one really ever reads the posts but me, I will always be the one that probably needed to hear those lessons the most, anyway.  There is nothing special about my situation.  I believe that all of us are called to something higher and greater.  I believe that so many of us sit around and stay where we are, looking up 5, 10, 20 years later, not being any further along in the faith or having really made any major impacts for the Kingdom of God.  I hope that reading this journey as I blog, will encourage you to step out and do something new.  Not something fun and new that you have never tried for the sake of trying something new.  But something new and big for the Kingdom of God and solely for His glory.  As always, going somewhere new will have to start with one baby step in the right direction.

The ministry's name, Jordan's Edge, is from Joshua 3-4.   Here, God finally allows Israel to enter the Promised Land...after four centuries of slavery and four decades of wilderness. Generations had waited for and hoped for that place. The Jordan River stood in between the land where they were and the land where God was leading them.  Before they could cross the river, they had to consecrate themselves and then walk all the way up to the edge.  As soon as-and not until- their feet touched the water, God stopped the river, revealed a clear path of dry land, and made a way for them to cross over to bring Him great glory.  Once they made it to the other side, they set up a memorial to remember that day, so that forever their children and all the peoples of the earth would know, "the Hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever"-Joshua 4:24

I believe that we can be at Jordan's edge- reflecting on the goodness of God who didn't leave us in our rebellion and disobedience and who protected and provided for us all the way. We can consecrate ourselves and be set apart for God's great use.  We can be at the edge, past the disobedience, past the insecurities, and past the past....Right on the edge, consecrated and waiting...Ready for God to clear the way and lead us over to what He has for us on the other side.  And then, when He takes us there, our lives can show our children and others how great and mighty is our God. 

My desire is for us to honor God through the ordinary and let Him use us in extraordinary ways.